Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the day after is always just damage control
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
