Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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