Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
