dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
