This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
