Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
