i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
did i walk over a car last night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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