she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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