apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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