I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
