This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
