Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
