It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
