ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
