I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
