Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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