If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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