If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
