She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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