I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My life is pants optional.
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