Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
