The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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