why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
whose parrot is this?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
