Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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