One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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