I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
