shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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