Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
