i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
