It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
