Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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