I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
