so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
