Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
