when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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