in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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