We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize