So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
