i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
