I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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