I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
