I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
