i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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