I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
