it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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