I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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