You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize