I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
