You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
