May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
