so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
