Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize