upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
