I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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