I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
