I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
