if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
