I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
