glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
