Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize