I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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