hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
