"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
