Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
