he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Enjoy the penises
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize