I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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