You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize