I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
