I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
