you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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