i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
