Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
